It is a hard lesson. You won't know how hard it is until you go through it. I had big breasts I used to have mixed feelings towards. Until I eventually accepted them. It was pleasing to think how they would comfort the man I love. They brought me closer to feeling and truthfully experiencing… Continue reading It’s hard to lose an asset
She asked me to excuse myself too after she leaves the classroom to meet her visiting cousin. The teacher was strict that time, I kept thinking how to excuse myself with a lie. Why would she want me to meet her cousin? What good was I? Why would people want me to be into their… Continue reading Why did they include me?
Role. It's the same with the machinery example, but focusing on more than functions. Families implement a more sophisticated system, roles. What is my role? How does it affect the sense of identity? How I thought of this. What am I suppose to do? What do you want me to become? May you be damned… Continue reading Role.
Should I argue that I never have crossed paths with this internal state? Well, until last year. But even though, that is still extreme, that's one thing I need to investigate. To investigate something that's vague as my recollection Was I always like this? Taking a look back at my childhood: I was a cute,… Continue reading Internal Consistency: History
Knowledge hoarding. That was what I was when I was little. What other entertainments did I have other than that dusty library and its old books? They weren't for a child, I just tried to find any stories or sniff pretty words. I didn't live with others. I didn't know how. They weren't in the… Continue reading The human experience
"I am a sinner..." That was the thought that the young me lived with. I saw how he worships our god, and it repulsed me. In what way is that a sincere worship? How he is secretly proud of his excessive worship and somehow thinks this makes him superior. He had nothing to wear as… Continue reading Disdain. Repulsion. Denial.
A classic example is a piece of machinery that won't function unless put in its right place. If it doesn't fit, it won't have any use of itself. Taking the family as a machinery, the smallest representation of it, and the family members as the pieces, each of them must inherently assume their place or the… Continue reading Losing sight of my own feet